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The guests of every Serbian Slava - St. Patron's Day

Completely honest list of guests that marks every St. Patron's Day

Saturday 16th of December 2017

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In recent years, slava - St. Patron's Day has exceeded its form and is celebrated in a modern way. Among the guests are often found those who do not really belong there. Colleagues, neighbours, dentist, mechanic and all those in front of whom we want to show off. Since long ago, the rule that says that St. Patron's Day should be celebrated with family members, the godfathers and the closest relatives has not been obeyed. It is not rare that a mistress with her family is in the house. We present a list of compulsory guests on the St. Patron's Day. You will surely recognize yourself in some category.

1. When I grow up I will be a host. Everyone who celebrates has gone through this phase and would rather forget it. The young host is nervous all the time and constantly reminds the guests to eat again. When he is a guest, he has the attitude as if he had a doctor's degree in customs and is always telling something.


2. King of humor. He does not miss a single St. Patron's Day. He has a short memory, so regular guests are rolling their eyes as soon as they see him. He has no problem having the main word for hours and talking how everything was different "in his days". He often sings but only big hits known to him that others do not even remember. Of course, he is close to all the members of Serbian bands and he always has a juicy story. It is obligatory to give a lecture to the younger not to leave home late at night and to tell details of a party from the 1983. To be honest, he can be funny.

3. Voice of reason. Nobody would know anything if there wasn't for this guest on the list. He knows everything: whether fixed or variable course is better, which betting place has the best odds, why the best man is always late and when it will snow. He knows a thing or two about history of the world and the only thing he does not know is that it is not polite to talk at all times.


4. A guest on a lifetime diet. The favourite guest of every housewife. From year to year, he is getting fatter and fatter and it is not clear to him how he gains weight even from a glass of water. Perfect degustator that recognizes secret spices and hidden aromas. Everything he eats is by his taste and he has never eaten something so good. The host smiles at him with sincerity and forgives him for slurping the soup, eating with his fingers and dirtying a tablecloth. He always gets a gift when he goes home - cakes he did not try because he overate.

5. Housewife friends. They came with a mission. To praise the housewife. Everything she made is the most beautiful. They admire her how well she has prepared both food and herself. They honor her for such a great effort, as if she was, at least, digging a canal. Of course, the hymn goes around, so the housewife, when she is a guest at her friend's house for St. Patron's Day, repeats the same. Often, they spend most of their time with a guest on a lifetime diet.

6. Politician and opposition leader. They are not members of any party, but they defend their political views as if they were the presidents themselves. It's unbelievable that they can be found on every celebration of St. Patron's Day. As much as the hosts silence them, they do not respond. For them, St. Patron's Day is just a way to express their opinions on "these" and "those" and that's all. They often start a fight, but luckily, home-made brandy makes peace even between the worst opponents.


7. Aunt of a little angel. She was late because she was confused by new filters on Instagram. And right then, she had to post a picture of her cousin looking at the park climber. She needed to come up with an adequate text and since she was in a hurry, she just posted #auntofalittleangel. No one, but no one else has a sister's child in the whole galaxy. For her, St. Patron's Day is a great event if she finds a victim to show him or her the child's pictures and to tell about incredible novelties such as the fact that "her" child threw a paper into the bin by itself. She does not eat anything traditional, she'll take a little salad if there is ruccola in it and low-fat cheese.

8. Teenager. If he celebrates St. Patron's Day, you have the opportunity to see the youth in the work edition. He knows that his task is to welcome guests and serve wheat, there is no need to tell him twice. If he lived with his grandmother, he is very helpful in the kitchen. He will honestly say what he thinks about decorating Russian salad and he will not pretend to be deaf when he should go to the store. A guest of the same age will be placed near a socket because his battery is always empty. Teenage representatives are gladly involved in the conversation if no school is mentioned. They hate phrases such as "Wow! Look at you, all grown up!". Fortunately, they have short-term memory and fast metabolism, so they will eat everything that the housewife does not want in the house, and unpleasant situations are just the reason for making a joke. Honestly, they are only interested in the fact when will they get permission to call their friends and make a party for St. Patron's Day.


9. Mrs. She always comes alone. Her mission is to spread love. Whatever you tell her, she will understand and have faith that everything happens for a reason. She calms guests in fight and invites them to act in accordance with the holy day. If she accidentally comes with a male escort, the watchful eye will count how much he drank. If he exaggerates (and always does so), she becomes Maleficent and loudly warns the dear that it is time to go home. Of course, this part gets to be forgotten until the next St. Patron's Day.

10. My cousin from the countryside. Oh, that's the guest sitting in a remote corner. He avoids attention, but he loves to bother children. None of the guests know him, but as time goes by, they become very fond of him. Everything is OK until he asks the teenager the question: "Tell me, do you remember me?". Then the inconvenience begins and it is resolved by the housewife as fast as lightening.

11. Busy guest. He plays the same role all life - he never has time and always hurries somewhere. Deadlines are a nightmare for him. As soon as he walks through the door, he is already apologizing for not being able to stay longer and not eating anything. After the second brandy, he becomes relaxed and the last one to go home.


12. Godfather. The most important guest. Whatever we write, it will not be enough to describe his significance and role. He sits at the head of the table. Everything is as he says. There is a national saying "God in Heaven, godfather on earth" and this is the golden rule that the Serbs hold on to.